...forgive me...

The saddest and most regrettable part of my life has unquestionably been when I have forgotten God, when I have ignored God in my life, when I have closed Him out, walked away from Him, and sinned. What was going on in my thoughts, in my mind, when I went through these periods in my life, is something for which I have absolutely no explanation. I so resonate with what Paul, my namesake, said of himself when he wrote a Letter to the Christians in Rome from his prison cell in Rome:

“14 I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin.

15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want,

but I do the very thing I hate. 16 …I do what I do not want to do…17 But in fact it is no longer I who do it but sin that dwells within me.

18 For I know that the good does not dwell within me”

Romans 7:14-18.

Oh why, dear Lord, do I allow sin to dwell within me?

Why, dear Lord, do I willingly kick out the good from within me?

Why, dear Lord, do I willingly walk over to the slave-holder of sin

and permit myself to be sold to him?

Oh dear Lord, my heart reflects the heart,

the words of Augustine who wrote:

“Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new,

late have I loved you! You were within me, but I was outside,

and it was there that I searched for you.

In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you.

Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in You

they would have not been at all. You called, you shouted,

and you broke through my deafness.

You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness.

You breathed your fragrance on me; I drew in breath

and now I pant for you. I have tasted you,

now I hunger and thirst for more.

You touched me, and I burned for your peace.”

And so I pray what the Psalmist prayed:

“Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” Psalm 51:2.

Dear friends, Brother Lawrence writes at the end of the Fifth Letter of The Practice of The Presence of God:

“Believe me, make immediately a holy and firm resolution

never more willfully to forget Him,

and to spend the rest of your days in His sacred presence,

deprived for the love of Him, if He thinks fit, of all consolations.”

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.

From the Bible:

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments” John 14:15.

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh”

Galatians 5:16.

“So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin”

James 4:17.

“And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl” Deuteronomy 28:1-68.

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple …” Matthew 4:1-28.

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you” John 14:26.

“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” Matthew 5:48.

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions” Romans 14:1.

“And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself”

Luke 10:27.