There is a story in the Passion Narratives that has haunted me all my life.
It is the story of Peter. When Peter was with the other disciples and Jesus, following the Passover Supper in Jerusalem on the night before Jesus was brutally assassinated on the Cross, they all headed to the Olive Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus wished to pray, and in fact often went to pray.
It was here that Jesus pleaded with His disciples to support Him in prayer, but as we all know, they fell asleep in the garden leaving Jesus alone to pray alone.
Judas, one of the 12 disciples, showed up later with a different crowd, a crowd of armed men, with swords and clubs, sent by the chief priests, the teachers of the law, or Scribes, and the elders. They arrested Jesus and took Him to the high priest, and all the chief priests, elders, and teachers of the law. Then it says (and I am following Mark’s story in chapter 14) that Peter had “followed Jesus at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest, and he was sitting with the guards, warming himself at the fire” Mark 14:53-54. It haunts me that Peter followed Jesus at a distance, because that describes too much of my own life — for I, too, have chosen to follow Jesus far too often and far too long from a deliberate and comfortable and safe distance. I have chosen the path, too often, of believing that I could take control of my own life, thinking so erroneously that I could turn God on and off at my pleasure, using Him when I needed Him, when my back was against the wall, for example, or when I was up to my chin in alligators! I have come to call this kind of faith, Spigot Faith. I turn God on or off, like a spigot, using Him when I need Him, and turning Him off when I don’t. I am spiritually “stuck on stupid” sometimes!
But then it is this text that really bothers me:
“While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the female servants of the high priest came by. 67 When she saw Peter warming himself, she stared at him and said, “You also were with Jesus, the man from Nazareth.” 68 But he denied it, saying, “I do not know or understand what you are talking about.” And he went out into the forecourt. Then the cock crowed. 69 And the female servant, on seeing him, began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” 70 But again he denied it. Then after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean, and you talk like one.” 71 But he began to curse, and he swore an oath, “I do not know this man you are talking about.” 72 At that moment the cock crowed for the second time. Then Peter remembered that Jesus had said to him, “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept” Mark 14:66-72.
Many years of my life I have lived in areas where the crowing rooster has awakened me early in the morning. Such an experience has always been an eerie reminder to me of the crowing rooster in Peter’s life, a not-so-subtle warning of how unfaithful I too have been to Our Lord. How often I have lived my life as if I never knew God. I have put Him in my God Box and politely tucked Him under the bed or closed Him in a closet, erroneously believing that I could tip my toe into evil waters and pull it out whenever I choose! And I have broken down and wept at such foolish, sinful, ineptitude and choices. It is such experiences that I have come to understand and realize why Jesus taught us to pray that He “lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.” For without the grace of God I am only able to trust myself to lead me into a life of temptation and sin!
But there is an epilogue, if you will, to this reflection, personal epilogue I have thought about often. Many times in my life I have been with people I know and love who have taken their last breath and died. And on more than one occasion, for sure, I have seen them look up to heaven and call out Peter’s name, as though they saw Peter who had come to take them home to God. It has been an uncanny experience for me, suggesting that Peter is now sent by God to escort us home on our final safari, or journey, to God in heaven. Such experiences suggest to me a different end to Peter’s story besides the ending to this tragedy in the story above.
My prayer is that someday Peter will come and take me home.
My prayer is this: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.
From the Bible:
“26 When they had sung the hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. 27 And Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away, for it is written,
‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’
28 “But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” 29 Peter said to him, “Even though all fall away, I will not.” 30 Jesus said to him, “Truly I tell you, this day, this very night, before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” 31 But he said vehemently, “Even though I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And all of them said the same.
32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 He took with him Peter and James and John and began to be distressed and agitated. 34 And he said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.” 35 And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 He said, “Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me, yet not what I want but what you want.” 37 He came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep awake one hour? 38 Keep awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 39 And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. 40 And once more he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to say to him. 41 He came a third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Enough! The hour has come; the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Get up, let us be going. Look, my betrayer is at hand.”
43 Immediately, while he was still speaking, Judas, one of the twelve, arrived, and with him there was a crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders. 44 Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “The one I will kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.” 45 So when he came, he went up to him at once and said, “Rabbi!” and kissed him. 46 Then they laid hands on him and arrested him. 47 But one of those who stood near drew his sword and struck the slave of the high priest, cutting off his ear. 48 Then Jesus said to them, “Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest me as though I were a rebel? 49 Day after day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not arrest me. But let the scriptures be fulfilled.” 50 All of them deserted him and fled.
51 A certain young man was following him, wearing nothing but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him, 52 but he left the linen cloth and ran off naked.
53 They took Jesus to the high priest, and all the chief priests, the elders, and the scribes were assembled. 54 Peter had followed him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest, and he was sitting with the guards, warming himself at the fire. 55 Now the chief priests and the whole council were looking for testimony against Jesus to put him to death, but they found none. 56 For many gave false testimony against him, and their testimony did not agree. 57 Some stood up and gave false testimony against him, saying, 58 “We heard him say, ‘I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and in three days I will build another, not made with hands.’ ” 59 But even on this point their testimony did not agree. 60 Then the high priest stood up before them and asked Jesus, “Have you no answer? What is it that they testify against you?” 61 But he was silent and did not answer. Again the high priest asked him, “Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?” 62 Jesus said, “I am, and
‘you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power’ and ‘coming with the clouds of heaven.’ ”
63 Then the high priest tore his clothes and said, “Why do we still need witnesses? 64 You have heard his blasphemy! What is your decision?” All of them condemned him as deserving death. 65 Some began to spit on him, to blindfold him, and to strike him, saying to him, “Prophesy!” The guards also took him and beat him.
66 While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the female servants of the high priest came by. 67 When she saw Peter warming himself, she stared at him and said, “You also were with Jesus, the man from Nazareth.” 68 But he denied it, saying, “I do not know or understand what you are talking about.” And he went out into the forecourt.Then the cock crowed. 69 And the female servant, on seeing him, began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” 70 But again he denied it. Then after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean, and you talk like one.” 71 But he began to curse, and he swore an oath, “I do not know this man you are talking about.” 72 At that moment the cock crowed for the second time. Then Peter remembered that Jesus had said to him, “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
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